Sunday, April 30, 2006



Somewhere up there is an answer.........

Friday, April 28, 2006

a barrel of monkeys can be so much fun until one by one they all disappear..

So today officially marks day number 32 and 12. Oh boy what does that even mean, right....32 days is the countdown til the last remaining day of my current housing lease and day 12 represents the number of days until I head to the left coast for a weeks worth of sunny California. When i return from Cali I hope to have decided where the future will take me, atleast the near future. So, for the few people that may visit here, I have been interviewing for a management position in the place that ive called home for almost 5 years now, the wonderful getaway, Paradise Landing. Ive tried many of times for this title and finally now I am legitamately quailified for it. BUT, right before I have planned to leave for the left coast. Obviously life takes a turn and makes an easy decision much harder. I dont feel that the pros outweigh the cons for staying, mostly due to the fact that it depends on how much the salary is. NOt right ehy. Give up the dream for the bigger paycheck??? Now that this position is within arms length am I content with saying that I got it but turned it down.... NOw that im practically broke, cause lil expenses keep sneaking up on me. Oh yeah, and people breaking into my car causing me to spend large sums of money in replacing a window. UH.... It would be an easy decision for me to stay and take the money, but will it make me happy in the long run saying that ive settled, someday ill make it, someday, maybe next year ill move and itll be great. Carpe Diem! doesnt that mean seize the day or something........ New challenges always lie ahead and I believe that the biggest one will come before day nuumber 25 or so. BY the way, anyone need any household items, maybe a photo or a painting or something? The bare minimum is where i need to be. Its much harder than anticipated. SO, in twelve days im off to LA, well Holywood actually, dont know if thats better or not, but either way its much closer to where i feel that i need to be. The decision to pursue the career path that you feel would make you most happy is much harder than to maintain something certain. Ill be 1.) enjoying the weather, hopefully its nice that week, and searching for something or someone to grab me and give me a chance 2.) to enjoy the weather, still hoping that its nice, and taking a break from the current life pattern, cause trust me, its been a tough year, mentally and physically or E.) have a horrible week knowing that i havent made any decisions yet and i have to come back home to the same ol thing.... SO lets recap and and some more:
A.) stay in mil-town, either finding a new spot to live in or cont. the current lease
1.) move to california, with a place to stay with friends, until I get on my feet
B.) taking a management position that ive been striving for for so long
2.) find a job to make ends meat
C.) telling the GF that we cant work together because im now her boss, she has to quit
3.) move up the ladder in the new job and hopefully on the side network with photographers, many opps in cali
D.) having to split with the GF cause she refuses to quit the easiest job ever, not really
4.) find a new place to stay that i can live with my buddies and keep Tiff in cali
E.) getting big pay checks and being able to save money and build the equip bag up some more
Z.) i hope u are keeping up with the pattern here....
5.) live with Tiff and FINALLY build our design company that we've talked about for years
F.) paying off the car finally, and ..............hmmmmmmmmmm
6.) getting in shape because the warm weather motivates me to be active
G.) hmmmmm...............
7.) networking has finally paid off and now I know some of the best photographers in the buisness
H.) oh making double payments on the student loan so that lessens quicker
8.) are there any black and asian mixed girls with green eyes in cali??? if so, marry and have beautiful children
I.) continue to save money in preparation to move to the left coast
9.) invite from Sports Illustrated to photograph the next swim suit issue
J.) deal with more cold winters that just depress me and force me to gain weight cause i never want to leave when its so cold
10.) its becoming apparent....
K.) yes it is.....
11.) i do love to play poker and gamble
L.) seems to be "A, A" against the "A, K" suited when the flops throws you the ..................its a gamble
12.) for a person that strives to live on the bare minimum, isnt it odd that the only thing keeping me is money
M.) guess we'll have to wait until atleast day number ......30, thats monday ( i think)
13.) focus, focus...........

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Turmoil!

So......Its officially Easter and officially day number Forty-five. 45 more days til the last day of my current lease. Then what.......? Stay to rot in my current existance and further decline the amount of money that I owe to Uncle Sam at more rapid pace Or...... LiVe??????? Seems so simple, but there is actually much more. Continue to build the equipment bag and the portfolio that just might land the dream job. Expand my mind at a faster pace rather than flat lining doing something im good at????? Too many questions, looking for answeres! Maybe the answer lies to the east..., but dreams about the left are too strong to ignore. How many months is it until September????? When will the snow fall again and where will i be???? Answeres are undone.....CANADA!